Friday, February 3, 2012

Perfectionism is Broken

Great transformations really do begin within. Like taking negative thoughts, feelings, experiences and turning them into poetic works of art. Ok, so maybe these won't be in an English Major's Anthology of Great American Classics-yet-they are works of art nonetheless. They are created from nothing, really, an expression and creation like a Divine Spark. My negative thoughts are like the murky waters that birth the beautiful Dragonfly. The ashes from which the Phoenix rises. The fertile soil from the compost of my mind.

I really do just sit down and write these. A thought or phrase comes to mind-or an image or a feeling-and I just write. It is like free-form writing (which I am a great fan of) however, I want to transform it in the process rather than burn it afterwards. I want to see the beauty and gift from each thought so I can learn to see each moment-including myself in each moment-in its beauty and gift. Call it my optimism microwave.

A smart girl like you should be perfect

A chill
And a burn
The icy hot
Swell that rises
From deep within
Like a hot shower
On a cold, naked body
An automatic response
To responding automatically
From stories and fables
Which scold
My inner psyche
Defensive wounds
Leaving me defensive
And unaware
That I have been fighting
For so long

Until I realize
That my codependence
Has been protecting me
From my shame
Of failing to be perfect
Like I was told to be
Through statements of
How could you?
How dare you?
You should
Know better
Be better
Act better
Protect better
Look better
Smell better
Think better
Dress better
Write better
Hear better
Behave better
Be louder
Be quieter
Be more active
Be more still
Because you should
A smart girl like you
Should be perfect

So you don’t make me
Look at myself
My own imperfections
And failures
And mistakes
Carry them for me
You should be strong enough
For everyone
And don’t blame me
If you are wounded
Because you should
Have known better

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