Today's posting of my spontaneous poem is about learning to love. And the mirrors that are set up in relationships.
Recently, I have just seen clearly my codependent ways. (cringe!) I think I was co-dependently protecting myself from it. I just thought I was being nice and loving and helpful. I didn't want to hurt anybody. I thought codependents were the ones who did drugs because the other person did, or robbed a bank to pay for it. I didn't get the whole "robbing my own soul for the sake of others" part of it all. I didn't get the damage and toll living a life like this took on me. I thought I was just a giver: the non-bitchy, easy going, I'll take care of you, low maintenance, whatever you want, how can I please you and make it all better, I won't get angry in front of you-I'll just go cry in the shower, or eat a pint of ice cream (or my fingernails) kind of gal. I would always know what to say but I didn't really know how to do it myself, for myself. I put on a great show. Or at least a great showing. Until I couldn't anymore. (More on that later!)
I cannot be
Your savior
Your crutch
Your excuse
Your reason
Your justification
Your demise
Your healer
Your doormat
Your thorn
Your do-over
Your hero
Because I am mine
I can be
Your mirror
To show you
Yours
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